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What if my desire for change is the problem?                                                               

What if bracing against what is, is what is causing more pain, hardship and dissatisfaction?   

What if the thing that I want to happen is me trying to control?

 It seems that the more that I lust after an outcome, the more distant it becomes like a hamster on a treadmill- running, trying forcing, efforting, perhaps even expecting what I want to happen, to happen when I want and how I want it.

 It seems the more that I am caught up in this tangled mess, my hardships become amplified and my only focus.  I am lost in the non-stop drudgery of my mind. Thoughts spill over like a boiling pot, whether positive or negative their narrative and message are ultimately the same - I am not good enough as I am and I need to do something to fix this whole mess - namely me.

 I remind myself Monika “You cannot be what you perceive!”  These old wounds sting and burn for my attention.

What might happen if I let go?

What might happen if I surrender?


What might happen if I relax into my humanness?

What if I met myself compassionately? My life might change. I might actually get what I want, and this very thing scares me.

 It seems like there is an addiction to dreaming or chasing my dream. The state propagates obsessive, compulsive and neurotic thinking. This dream becomes… No! Is more important than me, more important than my life and what is.

 I know! I will just think positively. I will change and control what I think, when I think and how I think it to magically manifest what I desire.

 What if thinking lazily is the problem?

What if following thoughts only leads to more thoughts?

The incessant hum of my mind lets me know exactly what is right and wrong. Flexibility and curiosity, have left the show. All that remains is what I know, what I know about myself, my life, and others.

I am stuck in the hell of my mind trying to use thinking as a means to an end.

Yet, life supports me.

Yet miracles happen.

 Yet… yet…. yet.

I've been wanting to force change even saying that if I just “change my vibration” assumes that there is something wrong with me, with what is happening and only leads to the creation of more recipes, rules, and mindset.

I do not want a set mind!

I want flexibility of thinking, curiosity, and playfulness.

From this space, all is possible.

From this space, I relax.

From this space, compassion rises.

From this space, I soften.

Maximum contraction in the winter is needed for the seed to grow in the spring.

Maximum contraction is what makes a diamond.



BFA, ECE, CBP, Reiki Master, Certified Ho’Oponpono Practitioner, Soul Responsibility Inst.

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